This has been inspired by one of the sweetest girls on the planet. She asked this question and I think it is such a universal question that I thought I would devote my next writing to its exploration. She asked why do I always get the short end of the stick. Am I doomed to a lifetime of being abandoned by the people I love?
Abandonment has been a theme not only in my own life but in the life of many of my clients. Solving this puzzle has been a joy to get to the other side and learn the solution to the agony of being left. The very nature of falling in love, the romantic kind of love to literally move over into another’s space falling is not an exaggeration of the agony and ecstasy of love. Then there is the parent/child, friendships and sibling type of love and then the kind of power we give over to someone we aspire to emulate, is more admiration than love but still a platform where we have a tendency to self-abandon for the expected bliss of connection with “other”. Abandonment is simply a reflection of self-abandonment and more easily addressed that one would suspect.
It doesn’t seem to be popular thought that if we are experiencing abandonment that we look to first our relationship to ourselves. We may think we have full self-referred lives, but a closer look may reveal how quickly we abandon our own self connection when the prospect of connection with another comes into our field of awareness. It seems that the warmth and comfort we find in the arms of another is what we long for, but I have proof that that longing does not exist when self-connection is at its best. The patterns of self-abandonment are replaced with self-love, appreciation, reverence and humility and groundedness which bring such a fulfilled peace that connection with another becomes a reflection of that self-love and not the other way around that connection with another can fill an empty inner place.
Trying to get fulfilled from being what we think others want us to be, abandoning our true self, is a dead end. The world can only give us what we give ourselves. Try looking into a mirror and not liking how your hair looks and tapping at the glass to get the hair style changed. Not until we first change our own hair on our head will the reflection in the mirror show us what we want to see. The world seems real, but it will only reflect our thoughts, our beliefs and our perceptions. If we keep seeing the same distortions through our programming that is faulty we will keep having the same experiences that cause us to suffer. To me, that is enough reason to put in the effort to face, deal and replace our repetitive dysfunctional patterns.
Notice in nature that a tree gets it’s nourishment from the ground and the rain and sun that gives the life force. How long would that tree last trying to get nourishment from the leaves of another tree?
We can relate to being like the ocean, large and vast in our true self, but limit ourselves to needing one more cup of salt water and our perception shrinks to ignoring who we are really. In our shortsightedness we yearn and grab and need grasping for what we already are, but if we could stop, wake up and relax into that quiet calm, the incessant wanting and realization comes in on its own that we ARE ENOUGH and the comfort of that can lead to the deep comfort of sharing life with loved ones.
I love to watch those that are willing to transform these old patterns of desperate longing into a calm peaceful, expanded love for life on Its own terms and trusting that it is trust itself that sets up a life of fulfillment.